How Sharktopus Stole My Heart (And Ate Others)

Actual dialogue from the movie: “The creature appeared to be some hybrid of shark and octopus... a Sharktopus, if you will.”

Last week I had one of the most incredible (drunk) experiences I’ve ever had with a movie. It was a movie so bad, so horribly bad, but with a premise so awesome that it could only be best enjoyed by a group of  friends as drunk as you are. You’ve been there. The movie is Sharktopus, a film about a genetic-experiment gone rogue, who kills hundreds of innocent victims along the coast of Mexico. One of my friends watching the movie said the best part of the movie was the part she fell asleep during. She couldn’t have been more wrong.

Sharktopus is the newest breakthrough progressive (made-for-TV) movie from Roger Corman, director of such films as Death Race, Dinoshark, and Dinocroc vs. Supergator, and the upcoming Piranhaconda. No, I’m not making this up. Armed an arsenal of awful hybrid killing monster movies in his belt, I definitely had my expectations high.

Sharktopus opens on a peaceful beach in Mexico, where some dumb girl in a bikini heads to the water to take a swim. Not too long after, there’s a fin spotted in the water behind her. Guess what it is? A regular shark. A REGULAR SHARK! I felt jipped! I felt ripped off! Well, that was until Sharktopus (referred to in the movie as S-11) sneaks up behind it and rips it to shreds. Alright, I’m sold.

Shortly after, the collar-like device controlling S-11 breaks off when a boat grazes it in the water (and immediately runs into a ridge and blows up). With Sharktopus free from Blue Water’s control, the lab that created it, it begins to sweep past boats and beaches, killing everything in its wake. The movie’s deaths are laughable and poorly acted, and especially while inebriated, down right hilarious. I don’t want to spoil any of the deaths for you, but they’re plentiful, and awesome.

Wow, that thing can walk on land? Yeah, you're fucked, buddy.

The movie follows a mercenary Andy Flynn, who’s hired by Blue Water to take down the beast alive. Stacy Everheart, an investigative reporter, is also tracking down the monster, and she’s joined by that guy from Nacho Libre as her cameraman. The way this guy talks just cracks me up, and he’s probably the best actor in this movie, which doesn’t really say much at all.

Sharktopus is hardly ever depicted at the same size, and its massive tentacles somehow make it able to walk on ground. These two traits make it capable of killing just about everything in the movie. So many unsuspecting beach goers get slaughtered in this movie… so many.

Eventually the killings grow stale and the plot wears thin, and unfortunately, this movie overstays its welcome. Sharktopus clocks in at 89 minutes long, which is about 60 minutes after the joke gets old. But if you sit through the movie in its entirety, you’re treated to tons of laughably bad dialogue that your friends will echo throughout the film, and the greatest piece of equipment meant to kill a monster this size. S-11 is implanted with a device referred to as a kill-switch, which can only be triggered at close distance in case the beast can’t be captured. And yes, you’ll see the phrase “killswitch engaged” at one point in the movie. I can’t hold my tongue on that one.

Yeah, that just happened.

So if you’re hankering for a solid B-Rated horror flick to watch after tossing back a few beers, I’d highly recommend it. Sharktopus is a life experience, and though it’s gets a bit tired half way through, the acting is terrible, and the plot is incredibly predictable, you’ll get a lot of laughs out of this one, so long as you know how to take a joke and run with it.

As far as a final score for this movie goes, it’s just about impossible to give a score to something so bad it’s good, so here goes:

-ivan.

Advertisements

About Ivan Torres
http://isles-band.com More Metal Than Colossus.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: