The Koloss is in the Building

Anybody else see this and think of a really fucked up Magic Eye? No? Alright.

It’s hard to put into words how I feel about the new Meshuggah album, Koloss, but if I had to choose just one word to describe it, without a doubt, it’d be the word massive. From start to finish, Koloss is simply crushing, and there’s just something about the tones and grooves used on this record that will simply floor you. Koloss begs the question that many of Meshuggah’s albums have: how the HELL is Meshuggah going to top this?

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Ever Seen “Batteries Not Included?” …Well These Are Way Cooler.

Its like they're staring into my soul with those blue lights.

Every time I walk through one of our local malls, there’s always a kiosk or a store that is demoing those Quadricopters that you link and control with your iPhone or iPad, and every time I think how cool it would be to have one but it would never do the things I want it to do. But these things…oh man, the childish things I would do with these things would embarrass even myself.

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Happy Saturday, Go Niners! Here’s a Video Montage of Gatling Guns!

AMERICA!!!!!

Happy Saturday from Wrecked! Go Niners! Have fun watching a video montage of Gatling Guns with some Metallica in the background.

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Stabbing at a House Party…Oddly Entertaining.

SHE"S FREAKED THE FUCK OUT!!!!!

Watch the video after the break, it’s a little dark and grainy, don’t worry, not too graphic. You can JUST BARELY make the out the stabbing, but what happens just before, and pretty much everything after is pretty hilarious.

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Jeb Corliss’ Life Is Cooler Than Yours

Hey Ladies

Even though I don’t own one and don’t really do anything (sadly) making it worth having, I have LOVED the GoPro video camera since they came out, simply because it gives us videos like this.

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I had sex with Derek Jeter and all I got was this stupid gift basket.

Not the actual gift basket, trust me, I looked, but still THANKS FOR THE SEX JETER!

Derek Jeter is either a huge pimp and ladies man or a huge egotistical douchebag, ASIDE from that, after he has a one night stand with a woman, as a thank you/payment/insult, he gives them a gift basket of autographed Yankees swag. SERIOUSLY!?!?

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There’s a Fine Line Between Genius and Insanity – Theo Jansen Walks That Line Like a Pro.

How many of you remember K’NEX or Erector sets? That shit was so awesome, but so frustrating at the same time cause probably every Erector set I ever got was missing at least one bolt or one beam and I could never finish it. If only I could have been more like this guy.

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Where’s the Zelda Review?

As many of you already know, The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword started flying off store shelves November 20th. It’s been a couple weeks I know, but I’m hard at work trying to get that final review out, but to do the game justice, I have to play the game from start to finish. What’s the hold up? Skyward Sword is a fucking 40+ hour game, and as a working man with a measly excuse for a social life, frankly, that’s a lot of time. Hell, I only get about that same amount of sleep a week, so give a brother some slack.

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Bioshock Movie Teaser Trailer? I hope so!

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This ‘Modern’ Warfare Feels a Bit Dated

            Now that the whole world has received their copies of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, a giant beast has finally been satisfied for me. In the weeks leading up to the release, I found myself exploring a variety of games: Minecraft, Starcraft II, Battlefield 3, Forza 4, and NHL 12- all as filler until my favorite game series provided the next installment in my growing addiction. I am a Call of Duty addict, but I don’t know why. My friends were the ones hyping up Modern Warfare 3’s newest features, whereas I figured, “Hey, just some new stuff to [hopefully] be surprised by.” It wasn’t until I got home after the game’s midnight release that I was truly excited about the game. Sadly though, it is -for the most part- the same Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 which I inexplicably love so dearly, just with mildly improved graphics, a few new kill-streaks, weapons, and a bunch of new maps.

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Let’s Talk the Block.

If you liked "Shaun of the Dead", you HAVE to check this out. The only way I can describe it is "The Goonies" meets "Gremlins" meets Ali G.

I consider myself to be pretty gangster. I know a handful of awesomely gangster sayings and hip slang, and even own a t-shirt proclaiming how gangster I indeed am. Close friends of mine would attest to how truly gangster I’m capable of being. That being said, nothing could have prepared me for how gangster a group of inner-city kids from London could be. Not even all the hours of Ali G I’ve watched in my time.

Over the summer, I caught wind that a small studio (which includes a few of the great minds behind “Shaun of the Dead”) was putting out a new action-comedy about an alien invasion called “Attack the Block.” My interest was further piqued by the unusually high ratings I found on Rotten Tomatoes, and before I knew it, I was hunting down showtimes and more information about the movie’s über-limited release (there was only one theater playing the movie in the Bay Area at the time).

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It’s Time To Squad Up or Shut Up

Remember those days when you were a kid where you were counting the days until that one particular video game hit store shelves? Where you couldn’t wait for the school bells to ring so you could jet over to the game store and cash in all your lunch money for that new shiny game? As we grow older (and admittedly more cynical) those peak moments of anticipation grow fewer and farther between. Well, after playing the game at E3 and wasting way too much time playing the beta this past september, I found that Battlefield 3 was that game that would bring me back to my childhood-like days of impatience.  I raced out to my game store of choice after work and picked it up, gathered some friends around the TV (after eating some delicious steak sandwiches) and fired up the game. Too bad the online servers didn’t work – at all.

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Immortals: An Old Tale Retold With Bullet-Time

Yeah, when I walk around, golden strands of gold shit trail behind me too. But, at least I have the decency to tuck mine in.

If there’s one thing I can’t stand about movies today, it’s not having enough slow motion effects. Let me ask you a series of serious questions: Do you like decapitation? Do you like heads exploding? Do you like people getting cut in half? Do you like Stephen Dorff (of “Space Truckers” fame)? Then motherfucker, you’ll like this movie. If you are familiar with the epic tales and myths of old, you will no doubt spot some inconsistencies with the story, but this is fiction based on mythology,  so we’ll give them a pass.

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Hold up Your Horns for The Hunter

mastodon the hunter

In 2009, Mastodon swept the metal masses off their feet with their comparably slower, melodic epic, Crack the Skye. I’ll admit, before that record, Mastodon and I were only acquaintances in the metal spectrum – we’d hang out every once in a while, I’d always play their songs on Guitar Hero, but they weren’t a band that had earned their spot as one of my favorite bands. Crack the Skye changed everything, it cemented a regular spot in my playlists, and somehow, those proggy bastards found a way to outdo themselves yet again with 2011’s The Hunter.

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The Carnival’s Where the Magic Happens?

Something about that panda seems suspicious. It can't be trusted running a carnival.

Minigame collections come and go. Party games and generic multiplayer games are a dime a dozen, and to be honest, we pick them up every now and again keeping our fingers crossed that maybe this one’s different. Maybe Carnival Island is the game that revitalizes our hope in modern party games. Why? Because this deceivingly cute carnival clone comes to us from the hands of Magic Pixel Games, a relatively new studio formed by the guys behind the gravely under-appreciated Boom Blox, not to mention the game’s being published by Santa Monica Studios. Yeah, they put out God of War, and more recently, the PSN favorite, Fat Princess. Ever heard of them?

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Speaking Volumes “Via” Breakdowns

For fans of: Periphery, Meshuggah, After the Burial

From Los Angeles, CA comes a group of young genre-benders called Volumes. Their sound can be described as a mix between chuggy “djent,” and post-rock flavored melody. Upon first listen, I found the album to be rather frustrating: the band’s chugging sections became very monotonous compared to the more melodic sections. My interest would be briefly piqued, but then I’d sit around waiting for the next memorable section.

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Wrecked (W)Reboot In Progress

Yes, you read right. Told you we weren't dead.

Yes, Wrecked Reviews will be rebooting sometime in the next 30 days. Stay tuned. If you’re local to the Bay Area of California and are interested in joining the new team, send an email to ivan@wreckedreviews.com with your contact information and some of your work.

To everyone else, stay tuned for more details.

-WR.

BAMF Spotlight: Behold the Desecration

Every week, Wrecked will be highlighting bands playing the upcoming Bay Area Metal Festival. This week we’re melting your face off with Behold the Desecration from San Jose, CA.

For fans of Job for a Cowboy, Black Dahlia Murder, All Shall Perish, etc.

Don’t listen to Behold the Desecration if you like the way your face looks. Don’t listen to these guys if you’re in a nursery or china shoppe. Lastly, don’t listen to Behold the Desecration if you like you’re trying to currently undergoing psychological testing to prove you’re not insane. Why not? None of the scenarios I mentioned can handle the brutality BtD brings, and I’m not sure you can either. These guys like to take it straight to your face, with blistering fast drums, an insane level of shredding, and songs so punishingly brutal you’ll need to pick your stomach off the floor because you’ll have just thrown it up from this music kicking you in the balls so fucking hard. In all seriousness, if you’re a fan of extreme/death metal, you need to hear these guys, and you’ll need to see them live at BAMF this July.

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BAMF Spotlight: Hatriot

Every week, Wrecked will be highlighting bands playing the upcoming Bay Area Metal Festival. Check out Hatriot from Oakland, CA.

For fans of Slayer, Exodus, Megadeth, Strapping Young Lad, etc.

Fans of Exodus should know the name Steve “Zetro” Souza already, but for those that don’t, Souza was the frontman for the colossal thrash giant from 1986-1993, and again from 2002-04. I should probably have your attention now. Souza returns to the bay fronting the pissed off foursome, Hatriot, and they’ve come to rejuvenate your love for traditional American thrash. The guitars are very melodic for their speed, and Souza brings a pure unadulterated sense of chaos and rage to their sound that you really need to hear to believe. Check them at BAMF this July.

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BAMF Spotlight: Desecrater

Every week, Wrecked will be highlighting bands playing the upcoming Bay Area Metal Festival. This week we present Desecrater from San Jose, CA.

For fans of Slayer, Death, Metallica, Megadeth, etc

If you like your metal with a constant barrage of double bass and shredding guitars, we’ve got the band for you. Desecrater hails from San Jose with no intention of slowing down or compromising their sound. Led by the bellowing low vocals of guitarist/vocalist Sid Frankosky, Desecrater seeks only to inspire circle pits and beer-fueled brawls. They’re as traditional to metal as you can get; there are no gimmicks or sing-along choruses in sight, just a pure relentless attack. Make sure to check these guys out at BAMF This July.

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